Trauma develops in the presence (or absence) of others. It is therefore a social wound. That also heals best in the presence of others. Trauma is the ongoing reaction to something happening now that reminds the BodyMind vaguely of a dangerous event in the past.

The trauma reaction is like a bypass to keep me safe. After the original event that bypass causes all kinds of dis-ease and physical diseases.

Western medicine looks for the solution to the dis-ease in the individual with treatments, medicines and intrusive surgery. Other cultures seek the solution more in the social domain, in the collective of the immediate community.

Trauma takes away your self-control, takes away your agency, your ability to act. Takes you out of connection, takes away hope, and reduces your chance of self- and co-regulation. It makes you initially a victim without the ability to act. Trauma causes shame and exclusion. And because it’s a social wound that needs re-connection, I get into a sort of eternal circle.

The shame in me exists under the condition of not sharing, not connecting. Because I am no good, something is wrong with me, I am dirty, unworthy, and therefore banishable. 

This secret that my shame holds, hinders my recovery. My problem is also the solution. A typical catch-22

Trauma is the ultimate ‘alone experience’.

The liberation lies in regaining control of my life, as an adult.

Reflection is the first step in my recovery. Reflection on what happened, going back to the origin of the shame and the conditioning.

But, because I have become my protective adaptations (read ego) this is my world view, I am unworthy and so this is what it is. The reflection together with another is the key that opens the gate to more emotional space. Someone with presence and capacity. Someone who is able to embrace my grief and the underlying pain with full presence and without agenda or protocol. To hold me, including everything, and give me space. To be.