Thinking Is like breathing. Both are necessary for survival. the level of breathing or how I breathe determines my state of safety. Also my thinking level betrays my state of safety if I bring my thinking down then just like with slow breathing then my nervous system is on safe. This will then also communicate my nervous system to the rest of the herd, CQ the client, the animal, myself.
Thinking and breathing.
We are survival machines.
Labeling a condition has no value. We mythologize the other person in a larger story that prevents us from feeling. It gives ourselves an identity. An external concept does not ask me to go inside. There is no embodyment. The split remains intact. I still remain engaged with the outside world. Instead of going inside, I feel that another person’s contatc or behavior is not right or that it hurts and that this is not good for me and so “goodbye asshole.
The victim role is a familiar role from my trauma in which I matched bad behavior with the bad feelings of the past and that feels familiar and so I keep that in there because that feels familiar and therefore safer and I also reframed it and so it feels “seemingly safe. If I jettison that, there is no system homeostatis and the signal is biologically set to “unsafe.
So I just keep the old formulations, in the absence of a new and proven security system I can rely on. Building that trust comes from doing something new more and more and starting small. Small baby steps first. Then my system gets used to it. Then I build another cone of experiences but now from another small point, another starting point. Another base.
Building such a cone of experience takes time but fortunately it works progressively. The more often, the stronger and the faster, bigger and more robust. Until a new habit is formed and I just don’t do the old behavior as an automatic response anymore and over time it’s just not in my basic response package.
