A trauma is basically a learning memory, also called conditioning. To a physical or emotional event that was so overwhelming that the system had to make a radical adjustment. Never again! The reminder is programmed deep into our security program. After all, it’s about my survival.
My system can only handle so much at a time. And new events must be able to be integrated contiguously into my existing experiences. If something threatening happens then my system will have to find a balancing solution for it. This is mostly very natural via flight or fight. I just walk away or I clearly set my boundary. Bye or stop!
Dissociation simplifies the fragments of unplaceable experiences. Makes it clearer. Eg “Depression that’s me” or “I am no good” self-condemnation abandonment. Self-criticism. That’s how I avoid the pain of feeling past.
But I don’t always manage to do that. If something is too overwhelming and my natural security is not possible then my system finds an appropriate solution to get back into some kind of balance. The brain plays a big role in this. Two avenues of solution are at hand.
- Closing incoming information from the senses. Just as I look into the bright sun and my pupils narrow and my eyelids make a slit. Otherwise, I would go blind. That’s exactly how my brain works.
- Giving incoming information a different meaning making it bearable. An example of this is if parents hit a child, something that is imperceptible to the child being within the context of love, the hitting will be parked under love and that it is for my good. Hitting is love programs the system. This is safer than feeling the immense fear this unacceptable behavior causes. This is the basis of most of my conditioning.(otherwise we reprogram by still feeling the fear).
And what makes trauma such a trauma is not fresh the event itself but the connection to (relevant) others plus the ability to act on the situation. Can I run or fight or am I powerless. Can my system complete the natural response. If not, the action energy cannot go out and then focuses inward. And many important is the connection with the herd. Am I alone in this or is there support and connection. And standing alone is the worst thing there is to me as a (little) person. It is equivalent to a death threat. This cocktail of feeling all alone with no prospects for action is the fixation of my trauma.
That is also where the solution lies. Connection but now safe and able to act. Being able to act autonomously. Self instead of my therapist solves it. Self active. Team experienced. Suture styling.
Primary is contact or anything that symbolically took its place. Which is actually a form of dissociate. Handshaking is still left. And a hug not to be forgotten. Much contact is sexual and loaded with lust and Idea (thinking). Not with feeling, the sensation in your brain that produces oxitocin. A stress inhibitor and counterpart to corrisol and adrenaline. While touch remains underexposed. The minnow.
Connection – Meaning Love Safety
Actor – were you able to act (4Fs) take action
Who lovingly gave meaning to an event that was overwhelming for me?
