Auto-Regulation
(It just happens)
Self-stimulation and self-nurturing is done automatically rather than consciously. Auto-regulation I do alone so there is no inter-personal stress. It looks like overfocusing on an object or task and can be dissociative in nature and help me zoom out completely.
Examples include thumb-sucking, avoiding eye contact, reading, being artistic, watching TV, alcohol use, drugs, masturbating, daydreaming, overeating, Netflixing, swiping, social media, phone use, games, as well as running, sports and meditation when it involves having to instead of wanting to.
External Regulation
(I reach out, to me)
Reaching out to another to help with my regulation and to reassure me. Interactive, with a focus on 1 other person with whom I tune in. Has more focus on myself or the other person. Examples include being held and reassured by a caregiver, talking to a friend about my problems, listening to a presentation or music or receiving a massage.
Interactive Regulation
(We do it together)
Mutual or co-regulation with another in which we both regulate each other. Skin to skin contact and eye contact. Both are in tune with each other. Examples include dancing with a partner, sex, having a conversation, playing music together and cooking and eating together.
Self-Regulation
(I do it myself)
Regulating my own state through active and purposeful techniques that stimulate or reassure myself. The skill that I can regulate physical and emotional impulses through self-control.
Examples include becoming calm through breath control, thinking techniques such as reframing, muscle relaxation, voice control, Some auto-regulation behaviors can also apply to self-regulation if they are used purposefully.
