At its core, my BodyMind as a system is always looking for optimal safety.

That primary security by which a species survives and, subordinately, the individual survives is, in animals, the core of their instincts, which is passed on genetically. So that bees do what bees do and meirs do what ants do. Without having to learn anything. It’s in their genes, the survival of the species. This is instinctive orientation in the world. This determines their behavior.

To instinctive orientation, there is learning through a nervous system. Pain felt at the hot stove, nurturing animals teaching youngsters something, that’s how we do it here, take a good look and try it. This leaves a mark throughout the nervous system including the brain.

And then something extraordinary happened. Awareness came. About 2 million years ago. Besides instinctive orientation through genes and safety learning through my nervous system came external orientation through thinking. Thinking with awareness of cause and effect, memories, internal projections of the external world, conceptual and metaphorical thinking and from that language and self-awareness. This “thinking” gradually gained a foothold as a survival strategy. Like a virus mutation that infects faster is preferred. as the animal with the best adaptation to the environment survives.

Those who go are always right
Bert van Zegveld

Until this mutation came into our survival system, there was relative peace from my instinctive orientation. Everything happened in the moment. Then came a dichotomy between what my intuition offered in terms of autonomous behavior and what my thinking offered as a survival strategy. Thinking offered me the opportunity to manipulate my outside world in a way hitherto unheard of. This created the contradiction with my here-and-now instinctive orientation in the world. The peace was done. The story of Adam and Eve eating from the tree of knowledge symbolizes this. I gained knowledge of the world beyond this moment, beyond this here and now, and could manipulate my outer world into my inner world by“thinking.

In short, due to the increasing complexity and variation of my thinking, there was an ever-increasing dissociation with the here-and-now world of instinctive orientation. In essence, then, a psychosis in which reality can no longer be experienced as it presents itself to me here and now. There is confusion between the perception of authenticity of inner objects and outer objects. With delusions and hallucinations and distorted memories and perceptions. See here Human Condition where, among others, Australian biologist Jeremy Griffith writes about. Behold the basis for today’s increasingly untenable world experience, where narcissism is 1 way out, psychopathy another or struggle for good the other.

An inner war ensued between my natural, sense-anchored intuition and my understanding-based, dissociative thinking. I fought that war in many cases outside of me. Because the pain of the consciousness split in me was too unbearable. It was down to others how I felt, there was not enough of this or that, the outer form will give me relief, just do me something addictive to not feel what my more instinctive body does want me to feel.

The question is whether in my development over the past 2 mln years of just more narcissistic, more manipulation of the inner world and then adapting the world to what I had. Or that the curve went the other way ; of sweet caring, living in the outer world that was quite synchronized with my inner world because I was sensually unconsciously connected, one with that world. And that the world is now coming out of it as evolution. which way is it going? And is the resurgence of narcissistic world leaders a last convulsion of the old fearful unsafe-feeling manipulative narcissistic mind and the battle inside me?

That I as a human being am becoming more and more conscious is undeniable; just as the universe is expanding, my consciousness, my knowledge is also expanding, including for our species as a whole.

Or are we moving from naive, largely unconscious, manipulative narcissism to conscious adult psychopathy? In which I become aware of my manipulation and its power. And using that for my own purposes. And in doing so, ignore the species.

With the counterpart that becoming more aware of my world, my outside world and my impact as a species on that world. By becoming aware of that, do I then want to take responsibility for that. Stop the injustice and purposeful selfish destruction. So evil versus good.

Man has fought a heroic battle to acquire and distribute more knowledge. With the last great feat being the Internet with mapping the world in all aspects. Only, with all these external discoveries, I lost connection with my orienting intuition. Whereby I have impoverished and repressed my bodily responses in expression. See here the lost human dimension.

Man is at his core a (herd) animal. We let go of that wild instinctive before. I am now a runaway dissociation machine that (1) either unconsciously manipulates the external world internally and instinctively responds to those internal projections, or (2) consciously manipulates the external world externally for self-enrichment.

We know that dissociation as a psychological phenomenon is an unwanted and tense state that demands a return to reality. So logically, as a modern person, I am upset. I lost my inner intuitive compass in a dominating world of thought. And that makes me feel chronically unsafe in the background.

Naturally selected genes orient me without knowing why. Nerve-based learning comes from having knowledge of. Knowledge that is transmitted (education, school) or comes to me gradually and playfully (hot stove). I am aware of the learning experience. That I sometimes forget them under a mountain of subsequent learning moments is another topic. Some learning experiences have to do with my survival. Do this or else things will swing! There was a reason to put what was learned into practice. It was better for me. If not better for. me was in a given situation then I didn’t do it or it was forgotten. Behold the origin of the childhood trauma distortions that exist. nl it was for my survival and I still do things from that habit. At its core, my body as a survival machine uses a copy/paste technique. especially if something works. then that is the coodest path to success. With a minimum of effort. I don’t have to keep reinventing the wheel with newly learned behavior per situation. Once learned always learned. Learned young, done old. Procedural memory. Useful when cycling. Not useful in a lot of other cases if you think about it consciously. but many reactions come autonomously, automatically; and bere fast and very unconsciously.

Being aware of something, our dissociative thinking, is actually a survival mutation. Before that, we were one with the outside world. a chaotic, dangerous, violent world. Foresight is reigning then as a mutative quirk won the battle in the race for survival.

The price though was the loss of my oneness, my effortless, unmanipulated connectedness. Because of my dissociation, a unity was broken, and I looked for connection outside of myself. New-age propagandizes finding connection with myself again.

I promote finding the connection of myself to the world. Through my senses and healthy perceptions from my unfiltered perceptions. To bring my intuition back into my world orientation from that observation. By again using my orienting intuition from my body to get connected. With myself (is a thinking concept) is less important in that. Rather connect with my emotional reactions. Consciously allowing and perceiving with my new reflective self-awareness.

I lost my sense of security in thinking in abstract concepts versus neuro-sensing my outside world from a direct now more conscious connection to that outside world. I have too long participated in the battle of intangible concepts, in trying to grasp the world without my bodily sensations, my original sense-based intuitive world-orientation including my autonomous emotional responses in my contact with others in the herd. I perceive the world through my senses. Not with internalized thought concepts. By going back into my body and feeling what I am feeling I am connecting. With the world, with my body, with my mind, with myself. Including my thinking, but now as one of my BodyMind’s responses to keep me safe. I came to believe in my own defense mechanism. My thinking. Typical case of“the tail wags the dog”

The perpetual genetic species-protective quest for greater security has resulted in a mutation that we call conscious thinking and with that thinking can also have come to think about ourselves as concepts, our self-consciousness, as conceptual separations from the whole. Nice mutation it turns out, we’re still here, but with serious side effects. If our intuition has lost then there is a serious missing link.

Dissociation has also crept in that there is a right and wrong when we put bv intuitive behavior of the moment along a conceptual bar. religions and philosophers have contributed significantly to this in their search for an objective conceptual truth. because with that truth we would feel safe again. only it was not said in those words. threats and promises were made from delusions such as heaven and hell, completely disillusioned and psychotic. thinking took fear-driven mythical proportions. Grandiose (religious) ideas and other confabulations were defended tooth and nail, resulting in countless innocent deaths.

One conspiracy theory followed another. Seeking control and power over a chaotic outside world. Not deaths from natural disasters or crop failures but deaths because species-saving thinking allowed us to escape from this moment, to dissociate. Ideas were more important than the human condition as experienced in responses to sensory perception of emotions in me and in the herd. Concepts can only be defended with other concepts or death. Concepts are taken for total truth when in fact they are unrealistic reflections on a much larger reality.

We have lived in this concept world for so long that I am actually done with it. And actually, I am furious about so much misery. Only I can’t put my anger about this into words, and emotionally there are generations of unprocessed trauma running through me as a result of two million years of practicing with the disembodied mind. I live in a largely conceptual world. When I step out I come into such a great solitude that I was not aware of in my primitive intuitive world. This hole is so big. So all-encompassing. Too big to let go of the concepts. Too big for my anger or sadness. Too big for anyone’s anger or sadness. Just too big for a human being.

Mental concepts de-personalize me, de-body me, as long as my emotions and physical experiences have no place at the table.

Good and evil both defend from the same need for security, need for preservation, for homeostasis. Both “chose” a different path to achieve their goals. Some (well) have learned that altruism, and through it a healthy herd, offers protection. The other (evil) has learned that the herd can be used for individual safety. The perspective is the same. Safety, survival, species preservation, homeostasis. Both are about species conservation, only the path to it differs. See here the mythical struggle between right and wrong. A difference in perspective and indoctrination from caregiving days as a child.